Burning candle lights
- Mikaela Olaguera
- Sep 19, 2014
- 3 min read
Photo from myhouseandhome.squarespace.com
It’s midnight again.My inner being is starting to stir up until it reaches ecstasy as it usually was.
It’s been so long since I blurted out my inner state this casual.
I am just so inspired at this time as how it was a long time ago. I feel revitalized, though not yet completely healed but I can feel I’m going to get there even if I have no idea how I started walking these first steps of mine. It is really hard.
This week and the other week are some sort of busy, fulfilling yet disappointing ones. I relived mobility, had that rollercoaster course with my breakthrough (‘cause now I did finish it) in video editing (aside from vining 6-second 1D and 5SOS moments), got to get with people and I honestly love the rush. The org thingy seems so deeply inviting to be explored. And the enlightenment of the great varieties of avenues for my inner clamors ignites every bit of my DNA.
I suddenly stopped writing.
I don’t want to curse but this is sick, I can’t even sort out which thing I’m gonna mention first ‘cause I’ve got so many plans. I felt I suddenly got back to when I was a kid, I want to do many things, I want to try everything I found interesting. And as I realize this hunger, hunger for a thing done, a sensible one, I am so pumped up to house this emotion for the rest of my life.
I don’t wanna lose this drive. I want the day to pass leaving an accomplishment and starting another round.
Recently, I got to browse my old photographs, from my last term in FEU to the memories of my high school days. I actually felt proud of the places I’ve been to, people I’ve been with, things I’ve conquered and felt the longing of those stuffs. I want to go back.
Then I realized, for the past year, I can hear myself wanting to go back. I felt alarmed to be fair. ‘Cause life goes on and not backwards. And as I assess my state, it always comes up with a conclusion that my past is better than now. If my judgment is only true in my eyes, then my pessimistic side might be the culprit I need to turn down.
As I get to know my school, I can see people of different ages, fields, perspectives doing great things. I know I am young. I am capable. I am pressured and I felt exhausted on the thought I am not getting done a thing. And realization of this fact drains me.
I know I’ve been into their situation. When you don’t feel how the days pass anymore due to the tasks that consumes your time, your being. It is fun at least, bears a triumphant heart after every bullet on the to-do list crossed out. Then I regain the belief of its possibility. I just need to work on it, sustainably.
This entry is actually inspired by the burning candle lights, I am dreaming of many things for the past hours, read wattpad and as I stare through the walls and posters and the curtain which the candle lights touch, I felt the urge to put my ideas into words. My desires are like burning candle lights, it is vivid, hot and it is consumes me as I shine bright through the dark.
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